Office conflicts are not always about what we think.
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Adults, as children, want to use the jungle gym at the top of a small hill. They envision this as military operation, until they find out that the hill is occupied by the enemy: a girl.
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Cooking has always been the closest approximation I can find for what men once felt when studying Alchemy. The idea that science and an otherworldly, yet human, feeling coincide with both amazing discovery and unexpected fires. There are two people that have influenced my culinary habits. One is my mother, from whom I learned the general cooking habits of French ancestry combined with a desire to try new things.

The other is Alton Brown, the host of Good Eats on The Food Network. Many have summarized his program as "science meets cooking", or something equally insufficient. If most cooking shows were instead teaching us to write, they would only instruct us on the plot devices of well known stories mixed with good sentence structure. If Alton were teaching us he would break down plot to its basic parts and then explain how any why each part is significant to the narrative, so that when we write our own stories we can break from the template and experiment in meaningful ways without loosing quality.

For some time I've desired a shrine to "The Alton" in my kitchen. Last night I finally designed something that expresses my deep appreciation:

Christopher T. Means
And may no kitchen implement have but one task
 

Through a series of online conversations Sarah, Chris and I developed these crossover brands in an attempt to pre-soil our childhood memories.

Christopher Means - Kingdom Hearts: Rise of Magneto
Chris Bunch - Punisher: Hugzone
Sarah F. Means - Have a splash with your good friends the Silver Surfer and Ariel on all the great water adventures!
Christopher Means - The X-Men of Waverly Place
Sarah F. Means - Cut the summer's heat with Wolverine's Roaring Rapids Water Log Ride! They'd have a poster of Wolverine holding out his cigar about 36 inches off the ground. "Are you tall enough, bub?"
Christopher Means & Chris Bunch - Ultimate Pirates of the Caribbean: Treasure of Apocalypse
Chris Bunch - Jonas Brothers: Secret Wars
Christopher Means - Duck Tales the Adamantium Chronicles
Christopher Means - X-Factor Investigations, featuring Detective Mickey

Christopher T. Means
Has mutant ability to be ordinary
 

I made some arts throughout time. Behold as they are now chronicled in static reality.

Christopher T. Means
Cut off both ears to become Mega Van Gogh Prime
 

A new work has been added to the fiction area.

From the Desk of Leonard Graff

"Dear Anton Vassilienko,
Director of Media, ABC Entertainment

I am writing to you in regards to a wonderful, touching, and hilarious program that began its life at the American Broadcasting Company. This was a program that taught valuable life lessons, enchanting personal reflection, and warmth to an entire decade. The story of two individuals: separated by protective intent without their knowledge, only to be reunited by sheer happenstance against the desires of their sentinel protectors and in turn uniting them all under a common banner..." Read full story

Christopher T. Means
The Last King of Scotland
 

As I looked at the sites of some of my favorite authors I couldn't help but look at my own with a certain amount of loathing. Yes, I am capable of loathing a digital concept, my disdain is a versatile force. The original design lacked a certain amount color and personal flair. It would also seem that any writer worth his weight in paprika has his face plastered all over his page. I guess readers want to imagine their authors when they read. Maybe their author is talking to them in their mind as they read, like a pleasant narrator. Perhaps they stroke your hair and rub your shoulders. Now imagine it's Stephen King.

It's rather difficult to create a "web presence," especially when you are attempting to sell your writing style and personality to potential employers. It has to be you, but not too much you. If you have everything about you it comes across too immature or self-indulgent. I swear a lot more in person and can be openly critical over completely insignificant things. Is that attractive in a Charles Bukowski kind of way, or is it unattractive in a kind of pompus crazy person kind of way? If its not enough you, then you're not differentiating enough and you sink into the sand of thousands of other potential employees. Also there is "Edginess" to consider. Being edgy is good and the amount of edginess you apply isn't like the amount of "you" one uses. You can have as much or as little edge as you want as long as you apply it in an acceptable manner. Say you want to work for a game related site. You can be innocuous like Gamespy's Fargo or insanely abrasive like The Escapist's Yahtzee, but apparently it's more important to have a one word name. Maybe I should go by something else, something edgy but with broad appeal: "Gamespot's ElectricGuitar" for example. Hopefully by the time I get picked up it will be retro and cool to go by your full name.

So this is my new site, which is hopefully more eye-catching/sexy and not a trite self-indulgent ego emission like, say, a MySpace page. If you have any suggestions please feel free to e-mail me at crashspace-at-gmail-dot-com.

Christopher T. Means
Now more than ever